9 things that haven’t happened in the bike industry this month
Join us as we examine things that does not have happen in the bicycle industry this month.
Sam Hill voluntarily hands over EWS titles after Local Shredder takes over KOM
The trail, which Sam rode five years ago on his hardtail as a mid-tempo recovery between intervals, is to be renamed “McClure For Sure” in honor of Freedom. The time spent on the track, which has recently seen all technical specifications removed and significantly expanded, has sent shockwaves around the world. Reports say that knowing what he is up against, Martin Maes decided on the spot to step back and drink a pint of ice cream straight from the tub.
Jesse Melamed, YouTube sensation and occasional EWS runner, has filed a lawsuit and hopes to form a runners union banning McClure from the sport. His representative told us, “What people want is competition, fair and honest competition. We can’t let that 43-year-old beer-drained welder on a 2009 Giant Trance put one hundred and five seconds into these racers week after week. It will be terrible for the sport. Such fairy tales do not exist in the real world. It’s not Flashdance, for god’s sake.
Leading economists baffled after specialized release of two eMTBs that are both “too expensive” and “sell too fast”
The London School of Economics agrees it doesn’t know what’s going on with Specialized’s e-bikes.
Professor Mogfoganall, senior lecturer in home economics at the university told us: “So this is strange. Clearly, a bike shouldn’t cost $ 15,000… but at the same time, they’re all sold out. Normally that would mean they’re worth it to the person buying them… but $ 15,000? You’re kidding, aren’t you?
His esteemed colleague, Nutella Johnson, echoed his comments. She added: “It is obviously very difficult for us as a place of learning. Do we tear up and disown the program that we have been teaching not only for 30 years, but also a program that we are incredibly proud of, or do we admit that a $ 15,000 bike is worth it? “
The university today announced a book-burning ceremony and the disbandment of its program. The posters, titled “the old ways are dead” seem to suggest that no matter how many and how quickly they sell, an electric bicycle will paradoxically never be worth that much money.
John Maynard Keynes, who has been deceased for 70 years, could not be reached for comment in time for the post. His great-nephew, however, told us to “leave him alone.” We will report on this story as it develops and whether in fact he is successful in trying to issue a restraining order against us.
SatanicGreed debuts new stick on stretched, elliptical carbon jockey wheels
The “cycling speed demons,” SatanicGreed, have now released their latest aftermarket performance.
First up is their Stick on Idler (SOI ™). This can be cable attached anywhere on your base to keep your bike up to date with the latest trends. Each idler will include a collection of sticker kits, so you can really get the message across that you are definitely a pinnacle.
They are also launching their premium carbon fiber elliptical jockey wheels (PCFEJW ™). During their online press release, led by industry scholar and famous wink Gareth Yoghurtbottom, there seemed to be some confusion as to whether Mr. Yogurtbottom was blinking or actually having something in the eyes. When asked if he was okay, he answered “no” and then winked. The part of the press release referring to performance gains was also littered with winks. “It really makes a difference wink“. Yoghurtbottom claimed that if you don’t believe it, they “change the game wink“you can” ask one of our paid athletes, they will tell you the truth wink“.
Bike Company Breaks The Mold With A PR Campaign On The Small Claims Made Clearly
Sigourney Beaver, the leader of their small operation, has been steadfast under rapid questioning from the surveillance media of the world.
When asked why she wasn’t going to try and create an evocative and ambitious video that gave the viewer old-time feelings of the outdoors and coffee-making, she simply replied, “I just love making bikes. “
Industry insiders and casual onlookers were both shocked and dismayed at his suggestion that they might just “make t-shirts at some point.”
When asked if she could explain what the bike stood for and meant to her personally, she absurdly claimed that she “had just made the bike she wanted to ride” and said that “users could project their bike. their own sense and romance on their own, if they wished. But the bicycle was “above all a bicycle”.
A simple geometry chart and parts compatibility list would be released at launch, along with pricing, availability, and some photos of the bike.
In response, a competing brand manager put an absolute steamboat on the mat at a family christening, saying he was successful in his attempt to provoke discussion and overturn expectations.
Bike Shop Throws SRAM Double Crankset Used In Baying Mob, Unintentionally Starts Deathmatch
The riot happened as Todd “The Bod” Beckingham tried to calm the hustle and bustle of a barking and irritable crowd outside his workplace, the Spoke ‘n’ Wheel bike shop, by throwing a worn crankset at them. with one of his beautifully shaped biceps.
“I was just trying to help,” The Bod told us bluntly, conciliatory, “I had no idea they would make guns from the parts they hoped to guarantee. I never considered a cracked fixie frame to be a tool of destruction, but now I realize how stupid I was ”.
When asked what he thinks these people want, The Bod told us “mostly rock hard abs, but bikes too.”
Mountain bike reviewer spills beans on his dollar-by-comma writing contract
Lenny Quimby, 29, from Stratford-upon-Avon, England, UK, Europe, spills the beans, tells the fate, gives the scoop etc on his salary, and how he justifies his, dare we say , unnecessary dependency, not dependency, comma.
He could, or in fact, in fact earn reasonable sums, or dare I say fair, sums of money, which you could also call large sums of money, or even just say money, for the misuse of commas, as well as other punctuation missteps, which also means bad, a blunder, an error of judgment or, one could even argue, an indiscretion.
Quimby this week at the end of May 2020 confirmed that a publisher like him was paid a base salary, so essentially nothing, but made five pounds, which is the UK currency, for every comma used; and twenty for each misused semicolon.
Quimby claims that it is high time, which he now deduces, that he pay for his lack of education.
Two mountain bikers reflect on the small exchange that started a decade of mutual hatred
Ten years ago, a simple exchange about a review of a 2012 Rockshox reveal sparked a decade of mutual hatred and cold war peculiar to mountain biking.
Looking back, Timbersnake admits his sheer hatred of Shedinafield got him through some dark times. He explains: “When I was fired from my job as a chef… sorry, I meant marine engineer, that was really a low point. Getting up everyday to tell DanDaMan (Shedinafield’s online alias) that I thought he was real crap for his views on the angle of attack of the 29 inch wheels really gave me some goal. I’m just glad I walked into the kitchen… the lab… back I walked into the lab not long after when Nasa hired me to… stuff with water, space and engineering and big numbers like sixty-five… billion… squared. Three more time.
Shedinafield recounts similar moments. “JustJustin69” (Timbersnake) isn’t a bad guy you know… he’s an absolutely terrible man and I hate him. You realize he doesn’t even understand the basics of twin tube damping! I work as a salesperson in some really exciting big engineering jobs. “Store Assistant” is an industry term, it means… I shop for expensive and interesting engineering stuff for… the US military. “
Something’s still happening with Wiggle
Our business expert Ulysses Washbrook VII who insists he actually got the movie The big court, can confirm that this is something to do with being a Chain Reaction partner, but also potentially not. He doesn’t think it has anything to do with Evans Cycles, but who knows? Maybe this thing with Mavic will come into play. There are a lot of moving parts in this one. The Washbook, however, can shed some light on the fact that Signa Sports and Sigma Sports are different companies, which will be telling for many.
The desire of the hardtail to be counter-cultural at the risk of being eclipsed by back pain
“The hardtail is the perfect bike for the job. Here you can feel the land. Every bump … every fucking bump. All the time. It’s not painful, it’s fun and cool. In addition, since epidurals, it’s much better ”.
Lark, who is also known to eat his soup with a fork “for the challenge”, is convinced that a steel rib is the best tool for the job, even when not in a group and under. in the dark, he pulls out his 170mm travel enduro bike.
“RIBs reward you more, and that’s a fact. Now I have a deeply rewarding relationship with my physiotherapist and I am in a rewarding relationship with my local cafe where I sit between races. Living Christ, the pain is just… good. It’s not a big deal and I look cool ”.